End of Chemotherapy

The last few sessions had left my dad drained of energy, loss of appetite and difficulty breathing. The specialist had changed his chemo cocktail of drugs, and as explained in my previous posting, it was taking a toll on his health.

Before my dad had his 12th second level chemotherapy, a CT scan was ordered to see whether the development of the cancer cells had been halted in any way. Unfortunately, it shows that improvement, if any, was very minimal.

After consulting the various doctors, close friends and families....after 16 chemotherapy sessions (4 first level + 12 second level), my dad decided he has had enough of chemotherapy. So the relationship with Radiology and Oncology Department HKL remains as a palliative procedure, requiring him to pay a visit every few months. My dad was happy with his decision, and I was happy that the old man was happy. I had always, in the past, decided on all his medical decisions, but this time I let him decide on his own.


Sour Sop or "Durian Belanda"

We have now embarked on a new pathway, that is of alternative medicine. No...its not about witch doctors, voodoo dolls or the local Tok Bomoh.... its taking the natural pathway... fruits, berries etc. During our numerous visits for his chemo sessions, we heard tips and advices from numerous cancer survivors at the clinic. Among the consistent tip is to take Sour Sop on a daily basis, or locally known as 'Durian Belanda'.

After he started taking the fruit on a daily basis, his cancer marker showed an improvement, and this was after his 10th chemo session during which his cancer marker was increasing all the time. A myth or coincidence? Maybe...but quite a number of cancer survivors attest to the power of the Sour sop.

Maybe that is why the 'Durian Belanda' is quite expensive nowadays. For those of you who have large plots of unused land, maybe this would be a good business venture :)

Reality Hurts

It's been months since I last blogged. It does not mean nothing interesting happened in my life, but I was quite occupied between teaching,work and sending my dad for his chemotherapy. He has just completed his 12th second level chemo, plus the 4 first level chemo, totaling 16 chemotheraphy sessions. Until today, I had forgotten about his 'true' condition, subconsciously hoping that the chemotherapy was doing it's magic.   

The person that snapped me back into reality was a good doctor friend who took time to call me and reminded me of the truth. You see, as it was his 12th session, he was asked to do a CT Scan to determine the extend of the damage done by the cancer and whether the chemotherapy actually worked. I guess my friend saw the result, and it's not good. The cancer is stage 4, has spread to his lungs and liver, and it's terminal.   

Even though I had watched how life was literally sucked from my dad, from happy, strong old man to a frail and weak old man, I had always told myself that it's the side effects of chemotherapy, that inside the chemotherapy was doing it's magic. I believed that so much until I forgot that he was a stage 4 cancer patient and that the cancer cells were eating him up.   

My friend had asked me to prepare myself for the worst, to spend every available time with my old man. The problem that is on my mind is how to tell my mum and my siblings. They too have the right to know the truth, but I am not sure whether knowing the truth would be best for them or my dad. No matter how many times I had been faced with death while rescuing people, it is not an easy subject to face, much more when it involves someone dear to you.

I hope and I pray that I have the endurance, perseverance and strength to go through all these to the end, to carry out my tasks and responsibility as the eldest son. The feeling of helplessness is simply overbearing.   

It's true what some people say, chemotherapy is a bigger killer than the disease.

2nd Level Chemo...the saga continues

The reason why I decided to blog about my dad's condition is hopefully it can be a informative source for anyone who has colon cancer. Hopefully, it would ease them to face this condition that saps the live out of a human. Continuing about my dad's fight cancer saga....

After his 4th chemo in Selayang Hospital, as mentioned in my previous entry, my dad was referred to HKL (Hospital Kuala Lumpur, formerly known as General Hospital) for 2nd level chemo. My dad was not in favour of going to HKL, due to the bad experiences from my late sister's case.

For the first experience with the Oncology Department in HKL was an eye opener for him. Though a bit cramped with people, the attending specialist was pleasant, soft spoken and full of empathy. Upon checking my dad, she was surprised to see the condition of my dad's hands. She was more surprised to find out that there was no medication prescribed for it.

She then recommended that a 'Chemo Port' be inserted to ease the infusion of the chemo. You have to purchase the device from the pharmacy though as its not provided for by the hospital.

Within days, the minor operation was conducted. The operation takes less than an hour, but you have to wait for your turn. My dad was admitted at 10am, the operation only done at 4.30pm. after the operation, Mr Tan, the surgeon told my dad that he can be discharged. Due to the incompetent ward MO who was unsure how to discharge a patient, we had to wait until 10.30pm when the specialists conduct their ward rounds. Instead of having my dad discharged, that MO chose to follow the specialists around the wards and only discharged my dad after that. Even the specialists were confused as to why my dad was still there.

After discharged, we had to go to pick up the medicine from the pharmacy ourselves. When I finally sent my dad back home, it was close to midnight. That MO has to wisen up to prioritise for 'warga emas' who has just completed surgery as compared to 'in-house' patients.

During our next visit, we got some good news. There is an option of having the chemo infusion at home, thus no more hospital stay. My dad jumped at it the moment the specialist has just completed her sentence. Seeing my dad's eagerness, I agreed to it. For this option, we have to purchase the disposable infusion pump (single use) ourselves as it's not supplied by the hospital.

The pump has no batteries or moving parts and operates by pressure. It infuses very slowly through his Chemo Port. So now the routine is on Friday to take blood sample. The following Monday from 9am - 4pm, he takes his infusion at HKL. Then they prepare his pump and attach it to the Chemo Port. After that he can go home and on Wednesday at 12pm, I send him to HKL to detach the pump. The cycle is every 2 weeks.
So far he has gone for 1 cycle of the 2nd level Chemo. Alhamdulillah, there are no severe side effects.

Why I haven't blog...Part 3 (Final)

1 month on, and there we were, my dad and I, listening to Mr R, the specialist on Chemo. Mr R thought that my dad could not understand English, thus he was very blunt and straight forward in explaining about my dad's medical condition. He was saying things like "It is bad as its Stage 4 cancer and has spread to his liver and lungs", "We don't know how long he will live, but its gonna be worst" etc etc. I looked at my dad but he looks cool. Then I interrupted Mr R and told him "My dad understands English. You can explain directly to him". Mr R went red in the face, poor dude, but we understood that he meant well.

There are a few options in getting Chemotherapy. Option 1 is a daily dose but he has to come weekly for it, Option 2 is a 48 hours dose but on alternate weeks, Option 3 is 5 straight days in the hospital on a monthly basis. There is now a tablet form also that you can take at home but its a bit costly. After discussing with my dad, we chose option 2.


The good part was, treatment is at Ward 4C, a 3rd class ward, but for chemo, he would be placed in an isolation room, similar to a 2nd class. The first time everyone was nervous, including myself, coz we didnt know how my dad's body would react to the drug. The 3 days in the ward was with little interruption from the nurses, its as if we were just temporary visitors. First day went by, and apart from slight increase in body temperature, nothing else happened. Same goes for the rest of the stay. I was grateful that there were no serious side effects.

The 2nd visit was easier, with the ward already waiting for my dad to come in. A special mention to my dad's attending physician, Dr Farhan, a soft spoken Kelantanese, whom immediately clicked with my dad. He was in-charge for administering my dad's medication.

We have now come to our 4th visit next week. During the last visit, Dr Farhan said that the cancer markers were still increasing despite the Chemo. Thus, maybe my dad needed a much stronger 2nd level Chemo but could only be administered in HKL (Kuala Lumpur General Hospital). A stronger cocktail of drugs would certainly bring some side effects, I am sure.

My dad and I has gotten much closer since then. I was there by his bedside no matter how tired I had worked during the day because I know that the few moments together were very precious to me and him. Everytime on our journey back home, we would stop by our favourite Mamak restaurant, where we would have father - son conversations over lunch. The topics has gotten heavier though, and I try to digest them while trying to put on a brave face, not to show my sadness.

I am thankful to the Al Mighty coz I am blessed with the means and time to be with my dad. To me, it's the greatest gift of all. I hope and I pray that I am given the courage, perseverance, patience, time and the means to go through what's ever coming in the future.

For those of you who have yet to bond with your old man, now is a good time to start.

Why I haven't blog...Part 2

Dad's room in Ampang Hospital

A second opinion was requested and my dad was transferred to Selayang Hospital, reputably the cancer centre amongst Government hospitals. The surgeon in-charge of my dad's case, Mr Raj immediately put my dad's fears at ease. He was very courteous, professional and most of all, a knowledgeable and experienced surgeon. The prognosis was not good, he has colon cancer. Within days, he had scheduled my dad's surgery. There were also indications that the cancer has spread to his liver and lungs. He stressed that the surgery was not a cure, but merely to 'improve his quality of life'.

The night before, my mom stayed overnight together with me. At that point, I didn't know how or what to feel. My dad was understandably a bit nervous, but the sleeping pill given to him helps. The next morning, very early, the nurses came to ask him to get ready as he was the first on the list. The journey from the ward to the operating theatre seems a long one. We said our goodbyes and they wheeled him in. The look of sadness on my mum’s face was heart wrenching, and slowly I put my hand around her and lead her back upstairs to my dad’s room.

Somehow we waited and waited, and yet there was no news about my dad. Time passed by …1 hour, 2 hours…5 hours. Could something have gone wrong? Asking the nurses didn't help either, coz every time they gave me the same standard answer..."nanti kita bagi tau". Luckily I knew someone who works in ICU, who then did some investigative work for me. "Belum lagi Rul, masih dalam OT" was the answer. That didn’t help. He called again 30 minutes later to tell me my dad was in recovery room.

Dad post ops

Still not getting any news from the nurses, I went down to ward 4A, the surgical ward for post ops cases. I went alone to ensure that everything is OK before my mum comes down. There he was, on the bed, on Epidural. The look of discomfort was on his face, but being dad, he didn’t complain. Luckily at the same time Mr Raj came by. My dad whispered that he was in great pain. The anaesthesiologist was called in and the Epidural dosage was increased. After that he was more at ease.

The next day he was better, probably free from the hallucinating drugs. He was no longer in pain and you could almost see the energy returning back to his body. Surprisingly, on the 4^th day, Mr Raj discharged him from the hospital. When I arrived that afternoon (you cannot stay at the wards after 7am until afternoon), he was all packed and ready to go…hahaha.

My 'bed' brought from home

Throughout the ordeal, I was there to look after my dad, as I was 'more independent' than my siblings. I am thankful to have a very understanding wife as I was away most of the time. Ampang Hospital was the best, as I had brought my camp bed along as the picture above. Selayang Hospital was still a bit conservative, as they still have the nursing/medical staff from the older generation, thus I had to make do with the hospital armchair as a bed.

...to be continued (Final part)

Why I haven't blog...Part 1

It has been a long time since I had updated my blog. The main reason was, earlier on this year, my dad had some medical problems. One day, I received a call from my sister saying my dad was some serious stomach pains. You see my dad is quite reserved, funny and one who has above normal tolerance to pain or disgusting people (unlike his son haha). So when he is groaning in pain, it means that it was a above normal level of pain. Administering some skills I learned as a rescuer, the pain subsided when he finally went to the toilet. My dad refused to go to the hospital, so since his pain has subsided by about 90%, I decided to have a pep talk with him later.

The reason why my dad refused to go to the hospital was more of a traumatic emotional scarring by the death of my youngest sister. My sister was born much later than me and my other 2 siblings, about 7 years later, thus she was the baby of the family. She spent the whole of Ramadhan in Kuala Lumpur General Hospital (HKL) with a condition that baffles the doctors. So it was a barrage of tests, including a trial and error application of medicines. Everyday without fail, my parents would visit her, and everyday they carried a change of her clothes, just in case the doctor would say "you are well and discharge". At that time, medical care at public hospitals were quite bad. Facilities were limited, patients were overwhelming and the medical staff were overworked. All these leads to nasty, foul mouthed nurses, whom during my late sister's tenure in the ward, had unleashed some of these unprofessional attitude to her and my parents. My dad had prayed for her to be discharged in time for Raya, and true enough, the doctors discharged her a few days before Raya. My parents were happy.

However, on the second day of Hari Raya, she had a relapse of her symptoms and had to be brought back to the HKL. To cut the story short, that was to be her last Hari Raya with us. God had answered my dad's prayers, but her time was up. We were not prepared for her sudden demise. Everyone was shattered, and me being the eldest son, had to clench my teeth (to put on a 'strong face') and arrange for her burial. She died at the age of 15 years old. Ever since then, my parents had avoided going to hospitals, especially HKL.

2 weeks later, I had the opportunity to have a father-son chat with my dad. Finally he agreed to a check up at Ampang Hospital. With assistance from Ms Lynn, an appointment was arranged within days. As expected, he was admitted and a barrage of tests were performed on him too. While waiting during the Colonoscopy, a surgeon was called in. "This can't be good" I thought to myself. Sure enough they found a tumor which almost closed up his colon. An immediate surgical procedure was the only option.

My dad's room in Ampang Hospital

....to be continued

New Year Resolutions

2010 headaches...hehe

Aahhhh the new year is here. Year by year, I always have "to blog a minimum of once a month" as part of my new year's resolution. Last year, I almost achieve it, except for January & March.

A few things occurred in 2010, but one major event outweighs the rest. 2010 shall  always remain in the hallmarks of my life autobiography (should I become famous one day..hehe) as the year I re-married again after almost 5 years being the President of Persatuan Duda Semalaysia (I wonder if there is such a society). The event left a few girls crying...and I heard through the grapevine that there was a guy too...huhuhu. Adapting to married life again took some practice, and the 'bad habits' that we picked up in our previous marriages added some spices to the occasional disagreements. I am happy to report that we had overcame this teething problem.

2010 was also a year I got problems with Proton Edar service centres. It surprised me as to how such a big company that always saying how safe their cars are and how good their service is, does not have a customer complain tracking system in place. My experience gave me the impression that Proton Edar is only 'nice & sweet' when they want you to sign that S&P agreement. Once they have gained profit, then they start to f**k you in after sales service. NOTE: you CAN request what things you want to change & what you do not want to when you send your car in for periodic servicing at these service centres. If you dont ask, then they would change things to the maximum number of items.

2010 was also the year that I re-kindled my involvement in 4WD activities. Having my 'anak gajah' stuck in mud on the way to Damai paved the way to 'enhance' further my 4WD. To be fair, it was a bad track and I did managed to winch for 7 times almost until the batteries died on me. But men being men, we always find reasons to buy or upgrade our Big Boys Toys....same as women who always find reasons to shop for clothes, handbags, furniture etc etc. For the ladies, if your husband or boyfriend spend a little bit of money or time on his Big Boys Toys, just smile and thank your lucky star that he is concentrating solely on his toys, rather than another woman (I hope my wife reads this...hahaha).

The closing of 2010 was closed with a bang when I suddenly decided to quit my job for reasons that's best left for the court of the All Mighty in the After Life. It was not an easy decision, but after numerous prayers to seek guidance, one day I just woke up and decided to leave the company.

Though much more could be said about 2010, I am more incline to think or rather plan for 2011. Among the resolutions for 2011:

• To blog for a minimum once a month
• To achieve a slightly more than acceptable degree of creature comfort
• To be financially stable to provide better life for my dependants (to buy more Big Boys Toys...hehe)
• To certify more people in scuba diving & take them to see the u/water world

Of course there's the standard resolution of being a better person, a better son, a better husband, a better dad... in other words a better human being. I am learning much from my wife about myself, coz she's like that talking mirror in Snow White...she tells me how a third party sees me.

 

Last but not least, I find that people nowadays are too busy planning for the future, or dwelling in their past, that they sometimes forget to live TODAY....live NOW. To everyone, Happy New Year from the both of us.

Jalan-Jalan Cari Sungai - Ulu Tamu

 
A few weeks ago, me and a bunch of close friends came up with the idea for a family weekend trip, preferably over the weekend. I had originally mooted the idea, because that was one of the reason why I bought a 4WD...to have a bonding time with my kids. Well, to tell you the truth, we didn't quite got around to that. So I was looking forward to this trip.

Last minute cancellations includes my significant other because she has to have Internet access to complete her work, my daughter because she's helping out her auntie who's appearing on TV3 for cake decoration thingy and my eldest son whom had to study for his exams. Well that left me with just my youngest son. That will do...for now.

We departed quite late from KL, around 4pm. In a convoy of 4WDs (4 wheel drive), we headed towards Batang Kali. We arrived at the resort aka base camp at 1830hrs. Abg Hamzah was waiting, smiling as always. After some brief introductions, we headed for our chalets to freshen up. At 2000hrs, the BBQ was ready comprising of prawns, chicken, sausages, nuggets, rice (special fried nasi goreng ulam) etc.

After eating, some of us wanted to stretch their vocal cords, thus a few rounds of karaoke was in order. The resort had quite a decent karaoke system, and what started as a stretching exercise soon developed into a marathon.

At midnight, we decided to have a dip at the local hot spring. All of us went, including the kids. There were 3 pools, with different temperatures. I classify it as half boiled eggs, hard boiled eggs and frying eggs. We first tried the coolest...the half boiled egg....great for the kids, but kind of wimpy for us 'men'. Thus, we moved on to the next hottest...the hard boiled egg. A quick dip of the leg and I could have sworn some hair got burnt.

There was a group of teenagers there, dipping and showing off their high level of tolerance to the heat. So us, being men (which simply means a slightly older version of the boys), decided to stay and show off our prowess as well. After much hair loss (chest, arms, thighs etc), just as we were leaving, the last car in our group from KL arrived. Perfect timing.

Wow, a dip in hot water certainly is one of the most relaxing thing. It kept me wide awake. I went on chatting with the guys until 0530hrs, when my 'screen saver' mode was activated.

At 0800hrs, we had breakfast, followed by more karaoke (can you believe it?). At around 1030hrs, the jockeys brought the horses out and the kids has a whale of a time riding them around the corral.

At 1230hrs, we headed of by 4WDs to the next camp, having to cross 2 rivers to get there. This camp could only be reached by 4WDs, unless you can drive a sedan through the rivers. Mind you, if the rain is heavy upstream, the rivers get swollen that even us 4WDs wouldn't be able to cross them. After setting up camp at our usual spot, the resort personnel came on 4WD to set up lunch by the river. Everyone had fun bathing in the river, especially the kids. Of course us dads had to accompany them...not that we want to (La La La). Then we came up for food, then went down to bath, then came up for food...and the vicious cycle continues...haha.

Around 1530hrs, we started preparing the 4WDs for the journey over slightly 'rougher' terrain. Tyres were deflated to almost half, wheels were locked and the 4WD engaged. Through hill climbing, mud and uneven tracks, we drove on. My jalopy being at the front, had to act as backup recovery vehicle for those at the back. Some of the vehicles were standard ie no modification, AT (All Terrain) tyres, standard height. We had planned this very 'light & easy' trail to let the 'newbies' get some thrill under controlled conditions.

After all that, we went down to the river and much like the Mahouts with their elephants in Thailand, that's how us 4 wheelers with our jalopies. We parked them dead smack in the river, and wash and bathe them. Hmm...maybe that's why the wives get upset ... like the wives of the Mahouts.

As we said our goodbyes, plans were underway to plan another slightly farther trip...maybe over 3 days. That one involves river tubing, slightly longer 4WD trail...and this time, I hope to have the whole family there.  There's already inquiries from friends whom are interested to try it out...so hey, maybe I would just package these weekend family outings for them. Interested? Come on.... get off that sofa, the air conditioned room and head into the outdoors. Enjoy the greenery while we still can. Don't have a 4WD? Don't worry, I know a few Mahouts...oppss...4 Wheelers whom would be glad to take you on board.

Hari Raya

Some of those whom attended 'buka puasa'

 The mood sets in when we had a buka puasa with close friends. Saliha, was back from Bahrain to spend Eid here, and thus was the guest of honor of the day. Huge portions of 'Lamb Mandi' and ' Chicken Mandi' were ordered. Hours were spent catching up on old times and updating ourselves with the latest info...aka gossip haha. One thing that is common between us all were our enjoyment for good food.

My playful twin nephews

The hamsters were the center of attraction

This year is the first year I am celebrating Eid as a husband...again...after so many years. CaTz, my significant other, has a kampung somewhere in Melaka. Thus, also a first in my whole life, I had a kampung to go back to (my original kampung is Kampung Baru right smack in the middle of Kuala Lumpur, thus does not really qualify as a kampung). This year, my 2 sons would only come over after the 3rd Raya (its alternate year cycle).

I never would have thought the 'balik kampung' affair would be quite tedious. CaTz had way, way earlier asked me to decide where we will be spending 1st Hari Raya...KL or Melaka. Over the duration of Ramadan, my mum showed indications that this year, she is not celebrating Raya. Thus, I made the biggest mistake of assuming that its OK to not to inform her earlier that I shall be in Melaka for 1st day of Raya.

My favorite picture

Tauke of SK Homebake

Thus, on Raya eve, I went over to her house, surprise, surprise...she was really upset that I would not be around on 1st Raya. What ensued was real drama...as I was distraught that my mum was upset with me. That evening I had no choice but to go back to Melaka. CaTz's father lives alone, and her siblings would only be back on the 1st day Raya after Friday prayers. So, she had to go back to clean the house and prepare meals for Eid.

I cannot tell them apart

No matter how hard I try to hide my sadness, somehow, my wife knew how upset I was. The next morning, after Hari Raya prayers, she suggested we go back to KL and celebrate Raya with my mum. We did just that, after Friday prayers. To cut the story short, I was much happier after that coz I got to kiss my mum's hands and asked for forgiveness.

Girls and boys...different styles

The highlight of my kampung trip is getting to meet 2 sets of identical twins, my 2 nephews, and 2 other relative's daughters. How often would I get to see that? My mood to take photographs were affected by everything that has happened between me and my mum. However, my twin nephews were too cute to resist... so here are their pictures...

I take this opportunity to wish all muslims 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin'. It was an interesting experience celebrating Eid this year.