Friday, 2 December 2011

Reality Hurts


It's been months since I last blogged. It does not mean nothing interesting happened in my life, but I was quite occupied between teaching,work and sending my dad for his chemotherapy. He has just completed his 12th second level chemo, plus the 4 first level chemo, totaling 16 chemotheraphy sessions. Until today, I had forgotten about his 'true' condition, subconsciously hoping that the chemotherapy was doing it's magic.   

The person that snapped me back into reality was a good doctor friend who took time to call me and reminded me of the truth. You see, as it was his 12th session, he was asked to do a CT Scan to determine the extend of the damage done by the cancer and whether the chemotherapy actually worked. I guess my friend saw the result, and it's not good. The cancer is stage 4, has spread to his lungs and liver, and it's terminal.   

Even though I had watched how life was literally sucked from my dad, from happy, strong old man to a frail and weak old man, I had always told myself that it's the side effects of chemotherapy, that inside the chemotherapy was doing it's magic. I believed that so much until I forgot that he was a stage 4 cancer patient and that the cancer cells were eating him up.   

My friend had asked me to prepare myself for the worst, to spend every available time with my old man. The problem that is on my mind is how to tell my mum and my siblings. They too have the right to know the truth, but I am not sure whether knowing the truth would be best for them or my dad. No matter how many times I had been faced with death while rescuing people, it is not an easy subject to face, much more when it involves someone dear to you.

I hope and I pray that I have the endurance, perseverance and strength to go through all these to the end, to carry out my tasks and responsibility as the eldest son. The feeling of helplessness is simply overbearing.   

It's true what some people say, chemotherapy is a bigger killer than the disease.

6 comments:

Feather Pen said...

True. Reality hurts. Sometimes its best to keep rather than to tell. Other times its best to tell than to keep.

I'd like to share my experience here. It all depends who you can tell the secret. If by telling yr dad, mom or yr siblings, it makes yr dad worse, than dont.

The last thing yr dad needs is to hear the truth. Deep down in him he knows. He already has the instincts. But all dat could help him go thru of what's life hv to give him, is your encouragement and support.

Dats what i did when i knew my dad is nearing his days. The doc told me the truth. But i simply made the best of times with him till his last breath.

wanie star said...

hadapinya dengan reda, tabah dan saba serta berbanyakkan berdoa..saya penah merasainya suatu ketika dahulu..saya turut mendoakan..insyaallah

divechiefkaz said...

Feather Pen: Tq. Yes I remembered that.
Wanie Star: Tq

Anonymous said...

My dad just passed a couple of days back after his first chemo. I do not think cancer killed him. It was the surgery, chemo and intervention. Now we all are repenting not talking to him more, or talking to one another about so many things that we can no longer talk. So tell you mum and siblings so that they do not repent like we are. We were under the false hope that we still had a lot of time. This is my personal opinion and while I am in grief myself.

divechiefkaz said...

Dear anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about your dad. I am sure the grief is great, and that no words could describe what you and your family must be going thru. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and for your advices. I shall keep that in mind.

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